You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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