"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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