Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
