Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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