It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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