Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
