its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
