I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
