omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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