if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
