Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I deserve this hangover.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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