If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
