I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
