Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
