I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Your cock deserves a montage
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
