How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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