I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
