Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Success! We fucked roommates!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
