okay pat passed out under dana's car
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
