If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
