spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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