you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
