Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
