Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
