I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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