She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
