porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
