Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
