I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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