I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
