Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
