I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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