I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
