I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
