I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
