This is not my ceiling
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
