its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
