i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
