A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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