i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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