I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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