Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
