I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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