Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
