Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
