my phone needs a breathalizer
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
