I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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