I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
