I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
