He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
