This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
