Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
