hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You're like the curious george of whores
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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