Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
