I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
