I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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