Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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